Episode: Nagged to Ed

Kanker Burger

I never met another person with my name until I was in my teens, so I think sharing my name/nickname with my best friends would be pretty exciting. Especially, if you’re a group of friends who hatch crazy schemes and go on silly adventures in a cul-de-sac where an eclectic group of kids reside. And all life as you know it revolves around jawbreakers!! Yeah, that’s the life. My neighborhood didn’t have many kids and it was close to impossible to get to anyone’s house on my own, so I’m a little jealous of the Eds. Well, maybe a lot of jealous.

At least there’s one thing I don’t envy about them. They have a Kanker problem. A big one. No place is safe for the Eds. Whether it’s Club Ed, the creek, or an abandoned house, those girls are there. Even in Jonny’s walls! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Kanker Sisters and they do have a lot of redeeming qualities. They’re tough, funny, and can cook. Kind of. Cheesy, lardy, fish burgers drenched in ketchup don’t sound all too appealing to most people, but I couldn’t pass it up. And you know what? I like them.

Recipe makes 6 burgers

 Ingredients

 14 ounces of fish sticks – A little more than half a 22oz box.

½ cup of processed cheese – Cheese chub, spread, or Velveeta all work fine.

½ cup pickles with juice

Salt and pepper to taste

Food coloring – Green and a little brown if you want it darker.

Lard – Optional-You can put any amount you want in to the burger or just use some to cook the burgers in.

Ketchup

Hamburger buns

 

Directions

 In a food processor, combine fish sticks, cheese, pickles, lard, salt, and pepper. Add enough food coloring to get the shade of green you want. Be careful not to add too much or you’ll change the consistency of the fish mixture. I like using the gels, so I used just a small blob. Portion out mixture into patties with an ice cream scoop and slightly flatten. Cook in a skillet on medium/medium high heat 2-3 minutes per side or just enough to warm them up and build a crust on each side. Place patties on bottom buns and smother with as much ketchup as you want. Cover with top bun and eat!

Variations: Scoop out more mixture for Kanker-sized burgers. Toast hamburger buns for a little added crunch.

That wasn’t enough to scare you off? Good. I’m glad I left out the gears and stretchy meat stuff. (Not like I knew what that was anyway.) Only the best in processed foods here. Now all that’s left to do is mix yourself a tall glass of powdered milk, pop in Fish Bowl 2 (A classic!), and grab a comfy spot on the couch.

 

Tune in next week for more Cartoon Cravings!