Mulan

Porridge

I know I’m opening the floodgates when I mention the “D word,” but I’ve been dying to start covering Disney movies. Naturally, I was raised on them and this lucky little person got to experience the Disney Renaissance first hand. The movie previews alone were enough to completely blow me away and then came the toy and food promotions. By the time opening night rolled around, I was a big bundle of nerves and excitement. One of these beautiful films carved into my memory is Mulan. It’s one of my go-to movies and has traveled by my side on just about every family vacation since its home video release. Hardly a day goes by where I don’t bust out a quote or a bit of song from this movie. It’s been like that since the days when my cousin and I would lock ourselves in her room and sing and dance to the soundtrack in our Mulan garb. (She had one wrap-around costume that we’d take turns wearing.) When that was no longer enough, my grandma whipped up the perfect Halloween costume for me that I’d still wear today if I could fit in it. You don’t meet a movie like that every dynasty, so it’s only natural that it would become a part of my life.

No, I don’t see myself defeating Shan Yu and saving China, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be Mulan in my own right. Whether I’m off to destroy people or just heading into work, the best way to start my morning is with a nice breakfast. And one that’s happy to see me to boot. Okay, so rice porridge can be pretty simple, but it’s delicious and comforting and I’d smile right back at it if I ate a big bowl of it every day.

Recipe makes 6 one-cup servings.

 Ingredients

3 cups water

6 cups chicken broth

1 cup rice, rinsed

1 clove garlic, minced

¼ of an onion, minced

¼ ounce piece of peeled fresh ginger

Salt and white pepper to taste

Soy sauce to taste (Optional)

Each serving will need:

2 large eggs

1 slice of bacon

1 tablespoon olive oil

Salt and white pepper

 

Directions

In a large pot, combine water, chicken broth, rice, garlic, onion, and ginger. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 1-1 ½ hours, stirring occasionally. You want a creamy, oatmeal-like consistency. If it gets too thick, you can add more water or broth. If it’s too thin, allow it to cook longer. Remove ginger piece. Season with salt, white pepper, and soy sauce.

Place a frying pan on medium to low heat. Coat the pan with olive oil. Crack eggs directly into pan and cook until the tops of the whites are set and the yolk is still runny. If the eggs start changing color, turn down the heat. Remove from pan with a spatula and season with salt and white pepper.

Place bacon in a cold pan and set heat to low. When bacon begins to curl, flip it to the other side. This can take about 7 minutes. Continue to cook, flipping it over every few minutes, until it’s browned and almost at your desired crispiness. The bacon will continue to cook after it’s removed from the pan. Drain excess grease by setting the bacon on a plate covered with paper towels.

Putting It All Together:

Scoop out a cup of porridge into a bowl. Place two eggs on top for eyes and add a bacon smile. Grab yourself a pair of chopsticks or a spoon and dig in!

mulan porridge DSC_0349 (2)

My family is the most important thing to me and I’d do anything for them. That’s why I made enough rice porridge to serve my entire household. I find it a little safer than stealing my father’s armor, running away from home, and impersonating a soldier. Mulan already has that covered, so I’ll just let my heart show me the way to my own greatness, or maybe just a second helping of porridge.

 

Tune in next week for more Cartoon Cravings!

 

 

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Animaniacs

 

 

Episode: Meatballs or Consequences

Swedish Meatballs

 My parents were blessed (Or should I say cursed?) with three children, so they’re old pros when it comes to handling the “monkey stuff.” We never terrorized them to the extent that the Warners could’ve, but those kids were definitely our idols. I even told people that the Warners would stay in our town’s “Tin Man” style water tower when they wanted to check up on us. I actually believed it too and would wave to the tower every morning and afternoon.

With my intense love of the Warners, it’s only natural I’d want to eat like them. And what could be better than stuffing yourself with 501 meatballs? Especially in Sweden, the actual home of meatballs and Volvos! Although, Wakko didn’t look like he was having too much fun. Becoming living-impaired does kind of put a damper on things. That and being pushed and insulted by your brother and sister. (“Slopface?”) I totally get it. I’m the middle child too. Still, gorging on meatballs had to be fun until at least meatball number 450. And if the Grim Reaper’s going to get you anyway, I can’t think of a better visual than him rising out of a tub of meatballs.

Recipe makes 34 meatballs. Over 500 is a bit excessive.

Ingredients

Meatballs

1 ½ cups panko

¾ cup milk

3 tablespoons butter

½ an onion, minced or grated

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 pound ground beef

1 pound ground pork

2 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon black pepper

¼ teaspoon ground allspice

¼ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Gravy

¼ cup all-purpose flour

3 cups beef broth

¼ cup heavy cream

 

Directions

 In a small bowl, combine panko and milk and set aside.

Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a large pan. Add onions and garlic and sauté until onions are soft. Remove from heat and set aside.

In a large bowl, combine panko-milk mixture, beef, pork, eggs, onion and garlic, salt, black pepper, allspice, and nutmeg. Mix until just combined. Scoop out meat mixture the size of two tablespoons and place on a baking sheet. If using a scale, each meatball should be about 1.4 ounces. Form meatballs into rounds and chill for an hour to help the balls maintain their shapes while cooking.

Preheat oven to 200 degrees F.

Melt the remaining two tablespoons of butter in a large pan over medium-low heat. Add the meatballs and cook until brown on all sides, about 10-15 minutes. Move the meatballs to an ovenproof dish and place in oven to keep warm.

When all the meatballs are in the oven, reduce the pan’s heat to low. Add the flour and whisk for about a minute or until lightly browned. Gradually whisk in the beef stock and heavy cream until the gravy begins to thicken. Remove the meatballs from the oven and smother with gravy, the dressed up version of meatball grease. Then see how many you can eat without dying! (Please don’t. Let’s just stick with serve and enjoy!)

grim meatballsDSC_0183

If I didn’t know better, I would challenge someone to a meatball eating contest. Oh, who am I trying to kid? My sibs and I have been challenging each other to all sorts of contests for years. Just like the Warners, we do consider ourselves like a set of chess pieces from The Franklin Mint. No matter what stupid things we say and do, we’re still family and would do anything for one another. Even face Death himself.

 

Tune in next week for more Cartoon Cravings!

 

 

Ed, Edd n Eddy

Episode: Nagged to Ed

Kanker Burger

I never met another person with my name until I was in my teens, so I think sharing my name/nickname with my best friends would be pretty exciting. Especially, if you’re a group of friends who hatch crazy schemes and go on silly adventures in a cul-de-sac where an eclectic group of kids reside. And all life as you know it revolves around jawbreakers!! Yeah, that’s the life. My neighborhood didn’t have many kids and it was close to impossible to get to anyone’s house on my own, so I’m a little jealous of the Eds. Well, maybe a lot of jealous.

At least there’s one thing I don’t envy about them. They have a Kanker problem. A big one. No place is safe for the Eds. Whether it’s Club Ed, the creek, or an abandoned house, those girls are there. Even in Jonny’s walls! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Kanker Sisters and they do have a lot of redeeming qualities. They’re tough, funny, and can cook. Kind of. Cheesy, lardy, fish burgers drenched in ketchup don’t sound all too appealing to most people, but I couldn’t pass it up. And you know what? I like them.

Recipe makes 6 burgers

 Ingredients

 14 ounces of fish sticks – A little more than half a 22oz box.

½ cup of processed cheese – Cheese chub, spread, or Velveeta all work fine.

½ cup pickles with juice

Salt and pepper to taste

Food coloring – Green and a little brown if you want it darker.

Lard – Optional-You can put any amount you want in to the burger or just use some to cook the burgers in.

Ketchup

Hamburger buns

 

Directions

 In a food processor, combine fish sticks, cheese, pickles, lard, salt, and pepper. Add enough food coloring to get the shade of green you want. Be careful not to add too much or you’ll change the consistency of the fish mixture. I like using the gels, so I used just a small blob. Portion out mixture into patties with an ice cream scoop and slightly flatten. Cook in a skillet on medium/medium high heat 2-3 minutes per side or just enough to warm them up and build a crust on each side. Place patties on bottom buns and smother with as much ketchup as you want. Cover with top bun and eat!

Variations: Scoop out more mixture for Kanker-sized burgers. Toast hamburger buns for a little added crunch.

Ed Edd n Eddy Kanker BurgersDSC_0143

That wasn’t enough to scare you off? Good. I’m glad I left out the gears and stretchy meat stuff. (Not like I knew what that was anyway.) Only the best in processed foods here. Now all that’s left to do is mix yourself a tall glass of powdered milk, pop in Fish Bowl 2 (A classic!), and grab a comfy spot on the couch.

 

Tune in next week for more Cartoon Cravings!